Here I Am

Insomnia has been plaguing me this past week. I have gone through phases in life where it will be hard for me to fall asleep so I just figured it was one of those times again. I quickly realized that there was more to it than that. I could be exhausted and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was wide awake and my mind was running with a million questions and thoughts of Rwanda. One night in particular after struggling to get to sleep, I woke up in the middle of the night and was wide awake for more than an hour. That is not something that normally happens to me. Immediately I knew that I needed to be in prayer for as long as I was awake. I started praying for the people and ministry in Rwanda, God's steps for me in this, timing, building relationships there, and for specific direction. The words of a hymn I love came to mind...
"Here I am Lord, is it I Lord? I have heard You calling in the night. I will go, Lord, if you lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart."

I was reminded of Samuel being awakened in the night by the Lord. He didn't realize at the time that it was God calling to him. Like Samuel, I was dense at first about the fact that God might be trying to speak to me during these times when I was unable to sleep. Thinking through all this, I discovered that when I was awake in the middle of the night devoting time to prayer...I was much more able to listen. In the still darkness of night, I wasn't distracted by other things. He could guide me so much more clearly because I was tuned in to Him. A peace settled over that time, and I  completely enjoyed the presence of Jesus as I poured out my soul to Him. I know that He has placed His people in my heart, and I am listening for His call to go. I am confident that He is leading.
I will no longer look at insomnia as an inconvenience but as an opportunity to draw closer to the One who is speaking to me!