A Good Ache

Heart ache is something I have tried to avoid, sometimes at a high cost. I don't think anyone wants to feel it, but we all go to different lengths to protect ourselves from it. I have had an ache in my heart since I got on the plane in Kigali headed for home. There has been no way for me to avoid this one. It is my constant companion these days. There are moments when things seem managable and times when I can't stop the tears from coming. I have the choice to despair or cry out to the only One who fully understands. I am choosing to cry out (most of the time anyway).

As I think about the future, I find myself in a "waiting" stage again. It occurs to me that with my job, the soonest I can logically see my Rwandans is in December. That seems like an eternity from where I'm sitting. So I am waiting to be reunited with them, waiting to see what God has planned, waiting to take new steps into something that is still pretty unknown right now. I have never been good at waiting, but despite myself God seems to be breaking through with some lessons. I am learning that although this ache is uncomfortable, I don't want it to go away. As long as it is present, He is pushing me to something more. There is an excitement that His call for me could be leading out of the ordinary. He also so gently reminds me in my lowest moments that His grace is sufficient for TODAY! He is in my future, but I am not. When I look too far ahead, I become overwhelmed. He knows my mind's limitations, and that is why He promises to give me everything I need for this day. We will have to deal with tomorrow when it comes!