Not For Me to Know

Acts 1:7
"...It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority."

I start with this verse because in this heart-aching wait, this must be my daily reminder. God IS God, and I am NOT! I like control, predictability, order, often to a fault. This wait is a trying time. For so long, I felt like I was really holding it together. I knew going in to this adoption that the wait can be very long and hard. I thought I was pretty prepared for that. What I was not prepared for was the disappointment and doubt that creeps in when things start to slow for reasons that seem to have a simple solution. I started to see the facade of strength be chipped away with each day that we weren't hearing of progress. Then a night came when all defenses crumbled and my raw heart just broke before the Lord. As I cried, I listened and He was faithful to speak...

"Look at me. The waiting has worn you down, but I am still good. You have to keep looking at me, not at the wait. I have not changed. I haven't left. I am still in this! It doesn't surprise me nor do I wait on men to do anything for Me. I know it hurts, and I know you don't see the whole picture. You are not supposed to. I promise there is purpose here. Idu is still Mine, and you are still Mine. Hold on."

When my eyes and my heart start to look at what could be, what I want to happen, how I think it should be...I, like Peter, begin to sink. The anxiety takes hold. BUT when I turn my eyes up, when I get still, I hear Him drawing me in again. He is the authority on this. That has to be my bottom line. I have to leave it all there or I go down, and I start pulling my darling ones with me.

I have been reading Emily Freeman's book A Million Little Ways, and this section speaks so deeply to just this time in our journey to Idu...

"When you finally show up ready to release your art by being the person you believe you are created to be, there may be nothing more disheartening than to be asked to wait. The waiting can drive us mad if we let it. It can become a merciless dictator, shoving us into shapes we aren't made for, shapes of worry and doubt and short tempers. But the waiting can be sacred work. This is a kind of work that happens only in the secret place of abiding in the presence of Christ even in the midst of broken dreams and tired circumstance."

So when you ask me when our boy is coming home or how much longer we have to wait, please know this....

We are grateful for your support, love, and prayers more than we can express.
We have a lot of the same questions you do.
Our God is still in control of this!

My heart says these things, while what comes out of my mouth in answer to your question may be "It is not for me to know the times and dates the Father has set by His authority," as I voice it again to my own soul.