Making Progress

This last month has been a crazy, busy one! Since I last updated the blog we have made some real progress toward bringing Idu home. This is what has been happening...

1. Our home study is now complete in its entirety and has been submitted to our agency for review and approval.

2. We have been in fundraising mode. God has used many already through our One Mission fund and just personal donations to get us started toward our ultimate goal of raising $20,000+. Our online fund is still open, and we will be sharing more details with our church family in the coming weeks about how anyone who feels led can support us financially. If anyone has questions, please ask!! We truly cannot do this without the support of others.

3. We have received a recent update on Idu. While the information was not very encouraging, we know that he is at least in a safe place and are confident that God is moving this process along in order to get him home. To that end we are asking for PRAYER warriors! We are praying daily for Idu- his health, safety, development, and that God would prepare him for all the transitions that are to come in a way that only God can do. We are also asking God to line up the timing of bringing him home with our trip this summer. That is a BIG ask because there are still government hoops to jump with two countries before we can do anything. Would you please go to God on our behalf? Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that He can do above and beyond all we ask or imagine. We want to see that even more in Idu's life and journey to be home.

So our next step in this adventure is completing all of our dossier paperwork to be submitted to our agency and then to the US government. They will have to review it all and decide to deem us able to be adoptive parents. We know that God is in control of each paper, person who sees it, and the timeline for processing it. We are asking Him for favor in every area!

I will leave you with an encouragement to read Psalm 91. We are praying this over our coming son! So many of the words apply directly to his life, and the protection God has already provided for him in the midst of turmoil. May God bless you as you read it and as you remember us in prayer. We are overwhelmed with gratitude for the loving community God has given us!

https://onemission.fund/support/our-hearts-his-home/?shopfor=163162

Next Steps

We have officially hit a new phase in our adoption journey! We have submitted many initial forms and as we prepare for our home study, it is time to start fundraising. We would love to be able to simply fund it all ourselves, but we know that God has placed us in community and calls us to rely on others to walk this journey with us. He is teaching us humility and dependence through this process. When God calls any of His children to something big, He never intends for us to walk it alone. He has shown us many things in Scripture about how to live this life for Christ, but this one is continually before us in this season:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

We want to ask you to be a part of our community of support in bringing our little boy home. In doing this, you are caring for the orphan in distress.

Tomorrow we will launch our online fundraiser for this first phase of fees with onemission.fund. This is a wonderful organization that helps many people fundraise for different causes. It will allow you to donate directly to us, purchase one of our custom t-shirts, or buy other awesome products while 40% of your purchase goes to our fund!

I will update here as we fundraise, but watch Facebook starting tomorrow for more details!

We can't do this without you, so we hope that you know how grateful our hearts are for each one who supports us in this and is used by God to build our family!

The Making of a Family

This story used to be something only in dreams. Its beginning was unknown to me, but the Author always knew what was coming. Like a breathtaking mountain view that you see more clearly with each step you climb toward the peak, this journey has come into focus over years and miles and twisted paths.

Long before there was a marriage or struggles with infertility or our little miracle baby, my heart believed in adoption. I believed in its power as a tool in the hand of the Creator to redeem a life that so often seemed utterly helpless. I believed in it as a display of the Gospel for the world to see. I believed that the longing in my heart was from the Lord and that one day he would make a family of people, not all biologically linked, but heavenly bonded. 

I had my ideas for how this thing called family would take shape, and never once has my plan held a candle to the story that is now unfolding. I couldn't have written it, and for that I am very thankful! If my husband weren't from Rwanda and we weren't invested in ministry there, would we know this little one even existed? If we were able to have children of our own at a pace we determined, would we be in a position to seek after him? If we hadn't lost his mother, would she still have decided this was best for him? I don't know these answers, and I don't need to. 

What I know is that through the brokenness of this world and the loss that it brings, God has led us to a baby boy. He has captured our hearts, and we are going after him. Right now there are mountains between us that God has to move. We will meet financial hurdles, wade through immigration processes again, make emotional transitions, and deal with our ever present companion- waiting. Through it all, I can see the mountaintop coming into view. 

Hold on little one- God is making a family, and it has always included you!

The Risk of Loving

I originally wrote this article for Outreach North America, sharing an impactful missions experience. It has since become much more than just an experience. I want it to be here to represent our family's story with Rwanda and those we love there. In many ways this is just the beginning...

She was 16. Our relationship was both longstanding and newfound. Longstanding because I first met her years earlier as a child in the ministry I had worked with, and newfound because God knit our hearts together as I stood with her in the greatest struggle of her life. She had become pregnant through no fault or choice of her own. Nothing but a bleak future stood before her and her unborn child. It was in this time that God called me to her side. Never before have I been given such love and compassion for someone who had essentially been a stranger. What could I do for her? How could anything I did make a difference when I was in Rwanda for under three weeks? To that, God said “Feed the hungry.” It was within my means to meet some very immediate physical needs so my husband and I did just that. It so happened in God’s great sovereignty that my brother was sponsoring this precious one. So as we delivered food, we also got to bring words of hope and encouragement from her sponsor across the world. It was not until I stood in her home with her in my arms and my husband relayed these words through tears that God said, “Bring hope to the hopeless.” My heart was forever lost to her that day. The Lord allowed me to be the vessel of His intense, pursuing love of her. Through simply listening to her story, acknowledging her wounds, and committing to a continued relationship, she felt like someone truly loved her for the first time in her life. She began to believe that the God she had prayed to saw her even in her shame. Christ’s hope started to be a light in her smile. While my intention was always to support her in every way possible from home, what I didn’t know was that hugging her before I left would be the last time I would get that opportunity this side of heaven. Disease took her from us only three months later, but not before she delivered and loved on her beautiful baby boy. I wrestled with my God over this loss. I mourned for the life that could have been. I cried for her son who was without the one person he had in this life. And I wondered. I wondered why God connected me to her with so much love to pour out but for such a short season. Why did I have to mourn this? Why did I have to feel so immensely for someone just to lose her? While I knew that I would never regret showing her His love and seeing the change in her heart, I just felt so let down that this was the end. It wasn’t happy. It wasn’t what I hoped for. I can’t say I have all the answers I have wanted from God, but moving forward He says to me, “Care for the orphan.” Before she died, she got to know that we were committed to her and this little life she bore. She knew that we intended to do all we could to help provide for her son. In the end, he was her greatest concern, and God allowed me to be used to bring her peace. 

Does God need us to accomplish His plans? No. Does He use us? Absolutely! We are the privileged when He does. So as you follow Christ, spend yourself in loving in His name and for the sake of the gospel. Allow Him to pour into you a love for others that is beyond your understanding. It will require sacrifice. It may leave you with aches and tears you didn’t ask for. You will never regret it!

"We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

"I saw what I saw, and I can't forget it.

I heard what I heard, and I can't go back. 

I know what I know and I can't deny it.

Something along the road, cut me to the soul.

Your pain has changed me.

Your dreams inspire,

Your face a memory,

Your hope a fire,

Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of 

And what I know of love."

Remembering to Love

It is that time of the year where "love" is all around us. Everywhere you go you see gifts, cards, and ideas for letting someone know that you love them. It's far too easy to get caught up in the romance or excitement of it all and forget that everyday we, as followers of Christ, are called to love. If you read 1 Corinthians 13, it is quite an intimidating calling. I know for me, I fail to live up to that mandate of love daily. The great news is that we aren't asked to do that in our strength. Jesus has loved us like that and will love through us like that. I have been reminded recently how intimately and uniquely God loves me. He is invested in my life, dreams, gifts, and plans. He wants me to know how deeply He has loved me so that I can share that with the world. If Jesus loves me in such powerfully unique way, I know that is true of the love He has for each of His children. You all know that my heart beats in two different countries. I heard a couple of weeks ago about some precious little ones in my other home who are coming to an incredibly difficult time in their young lives. These boys were rescued from the street in Rwanda and have been living in a home together supported by Ben and Reach the Children of Rwanda for years. As of February 1st the ministry no longer had the funds to continue paying their housing. This meant that the boys would either return to family situations (alcoholic mothers, homes of prostitution) that had driven them to the streets or would be left with no where to go. I have fallen in love with these boys in my times in Rwanda, and it breaks my heart to know that they may be living in homes so broken, desperate for someone to take care of them or that they would spend even one night out on the street. To know that they were rescued and now their future is in jeopardy again was more than I could take. I wanted to get it off my mind so that it wouldn't keep hurting to think of it. In wrestling with this, I learned something. Those boys are never off of my Father's mind. He is thinking of them and loving them desperately all the time. He wants to see them safe and whole. He wants them in a place that makes a future beyond life on the street a reality for them. He wants them to know the depth of His love and the power that it has to transform even the darkest of circumstances. It was in seeing His love for me and His love for them that Jesus reminded me why I couldn't get them off my mind. I was being called to love them from a world away. What these boys need is a safe place. Right now, their best option is boarding school where they will be housed, fed, taught, and have people watching over them. I cannot afford to put each of these boys in boarding school, but I can pray for them and share their story in hopes that there are people who can financially support this effort. I can't fix this on my own. It is God's story, and He is going to make a way for these boys. I am thrilled to be a part of shedding light on these little lives so that others will feel God's call to love these souls across the world. It is my delight to advocate for them and do anything I can to make a bright future possible for God's cherished little boys. Would you be able to respond in love to this call?

It costs $600 a year to put one of these boys in a boarding school. I have already gotten responses from 2 people who want to sponsor a child. If you are willing and able to sponsor a child or even give a donation toward a sponsorship, please contact me on Facebook or email me at flinnk@hotmail.com.

It is so life changing to see people through the lens of God's love, and my heart is overwhelmed at how He is taking care of His little ones! May you be continually blessed in this year and know the reality of God's unique love for you!

Thank you friends!

These are pictures of the boys when they were living in the ministry home. There is so much story behind each smile. We want to make sure that they keep these smiles and can one day share the testimony of Christ's work in their lives through people who were willing to love!

Until We Meet Again

Nyabihu is a village about 2 hours outside of the capital city of Kigali. Over the past three years, it has become one of my favorite places in the world. Being there, I find little hands in mine, see smiling faces, and hear my name hundreds of times as children envelop me in what can only be called a huddle hug. I have had the privilege of spending three weeks out there this summer, and those times have been the highlight of this trip. On Sunday, I had to drive away from this little village knowing that it was the last time I will see it for at least another year. This is one of the hardest recurring themes in my life. I love being there, and I always dread leaving!
The reason it is so hard to walk away from this place, is that it is here where I hear God most clearly speak to me about what is breaking His heart. He is not ok with the way the world is, and He is calling me to no longer be ok with it either. In Nyabihu, I have found what I recently heard a pastor call my "holy discontent." This is the place where my heart says enough is enough and something must be done. It is not ok with me to live in my total comfort while my babies are hungry. It is not ok for me to focus solely on my personal growth when my babies need Jesus. It is not ok for anyone to feel forgotten or abandoned by this world, and my Jesus will not let me forget it!
What makes the leaving so difficult is knowing that my heart and destiny are somehow wrapped up in this place, and yet I still have to walk away.  It is hard to understand that my path is not leading me here right NOW, and that is why I am reduced to sobs as I drive away from the people who have captured my heart. It is easy to feel frustrated and upset at having to go, but my Lord reminded me that this pain is good! My heart only hurts because God has caused me to love them so and broken my heart over what hurts His. So, for now I carry them and their stories with me, commit them to prayer, rejoice in the time we had together and what the future holds. I cannot say goodbye. So I say with a thankful heart, until we meet again....

My Worlds Collide

I come from the land of plenty where hot showers, fast internet, and reliable electricity abound. From the place where what we "need" is really more what we want to keep us comfortable. In that home of mine, I am not confronted on a daily basis with the reality of poverty, hunger, or desperation just to stay alive. Now I know that these things exist in the US, but I am able to go into my comfortable home and close out the hurting. I can walk away from what is hard and be content for a long time in all my stuff!

I have come home to this other land of mine, where the harsh reality hits me in waves as new days bring deeper understanding of the magnitude of suffering that can exist here. Little things like showering from a bucket when the water is off, letting my crazy hair air dry because the electricity is out, or packing into a bus to town where I don't think it is humanly possible to fit another person and then doing it somehow are a few things that make life here different from my life in the US. These are not the things that bother me. In all reality, it has been much easier to get used to the unpredictability of certain parts of life here than I thought. I find that I don't miss my big bed or hot shower. I don't need TV and constant internet. I can feel completely refreshed bathing from a bucket and get used to the pace of life that is very different from the rush of home.
It is stepping into the lives of people in these villages that wrecks me. That is what changes me and has me asking so many questions. That is what puts my comfortable, numb little life in Rock Hill into ugly perspective and leaves me reeling as I attempt to process what God could be saying or teaching me in all of this. I am in a place where DAILY I encounter someone's pain and need. Where the reality is that a child this ministry serves, died two weeks ago simply because he didn't have enough to eat. His little body starved to death, and I worry about not being able to eat my favorite snacks or missing my night time cereal for two months. I met a girl who at 14 is pregnant with her father's child-not by her choice and feels such shame that she tries constantly to keep her stomach hidden. I sat eating at a restaurant while a child on the street called to me that "he was hungry too." I spent yesterday in two homes (huts with no more than two "rooms") where the number of children is more than the amount of food they can afford because renting this house we wouldn't dream of living in takes more than they have. The children hadn't eaten for the past three days. Sometimes I hear that and it doesn't even resonate with me. Seeing those faces, there was no denying the reality of their need. I feel entitled to food after a few hours and they don't know when they will eat again. How do I reconcile this in my mind? How do my two worlds exist in such stark contrast to each other? What allowed me to be born in the land of plenty while these beautiful little ones were born into such need? It hurts my heart and brings a heaviness that is hard to shake. There is no crawling into my safe little cocoon and forgetting what is out there. These faces stand ready to remind me what life is really about.

So with my heart broken over what I see here and over what people (myself included) are completely missing at home, my dilemma becomes...how do I live in these two worlds??

How do I live in a world where I have everything I need and most of what I want, but can be so spiritually bankrupt? A world where I have TV or other forms of entertainment that allow me to make the choice to go numb and ignore the call to love others more than myself, and more often than not I make the wrong choice. How do I not only stay afloat but spiritually thrive in a place where my material possessions put me among the world's rich and not have to dull my senses in order to leave behind this other world of mine?

But then how do I live in a world where the daily reality I face is difficult struggles, heartbreaking stories, and overwhelming need? How do I love like Christ loves day in and day out without becoming hardened to that around me or so burdened that the inability to "fix" all of this leaves me depressed? In this world that is hard, sometimes lonely (as one who stands out in any crowd around here haha), and heavy with a responsibility to always do more, why do I feel such an intense joy that words can't capture? Why does my heart find such peace and comfort in the faces of these children? How can they be so full of life, real -beautiful -meaningful life, and I seem to so often be missing it when I am not here for them to remind me???

Honestly, I don't really know how to end this post in a lot of ways. I have more questions than answers for sure. I am asking a lot of my Jesus these days, and my heart is sometimes so desperate to reconcile what I see and feel, regulate my emotions, and settle in to somewhere comfortable with all of this. You know what happens when I start longing for that though? He reminds me that the comfortable, the ordinary, the numb is exactly what I asked Him to get me out of. The ability to dismiss the lost, needy, and hurting with excuses for how little I can do to change things or just a heart that doesn't love like His, is what I have been praying against. So here I am getting prayers answered and then wondering why I feel this way...why my heart hurts ( a feeling I know so many others have shared).

So my conclusion is this- my questions are many and are about really huge things, but my God is bigger. He is so passionately in love with me and these beautiful lives whose paths I am crossing. When I can't do everything I wish I could do, He reminds me that each day He is calling me to just the one(s) in front of me. That yesterday it was enough to give some money, buy some bread, and pray for the family of seven children who hadn't eaten in days. It is enough to hold children that are lonely or sick or hungry and remind them that their Jesus NEVER leaves! It is enough to put my tired head to the pillow each night and thank Him for another day of providing and ask Him to give of His abundance to those who so desperately need Him. Jesus is enough! He always has been for the destitute and broken here in Africa and for the lonely and needy hearts in America. Although it hurts, may I never return to the place of complacency! THAT is no longer enough.