Little Ones

Since childhood I have loved babies and little children and just about everything that goes along with them. Based on that, I guess it is not surprising that I longed to be a teacher. It is interesting to actually be doing something that you wanted to do for so long. I have seen the wonderful and not so glamorous parts of teaching, but through it all the kids are what keep me coming back. With Rwanda, it was the same attraction for me. I found such joy in talking and playing with these children or just finding a little hand in mine as we walk along the road. This created a new passion for me as I wanted to be with these children- teaching, learning, and loving.

In God's timing He has given me the opportunity to both teach my kids here and now go to love on my kids there. As I was squeezing my little loves tight and saying goodbye only a week ago, the magnitude of what God entrusts me with daily really humbled me. I have an opportunity to speak into the lives of many children, to love them, show compassion and kindness, and be the representation of Christ when they may have no other. It is a lot of responsibility and an inexpressible joy. So as I sadly said goodbye to my class at school, I did it knowing that God has given me a whole other set of children across the world that it is time to share life with. I don't know why He chose me to do this, but I am so glad that He did. I will move from my loves here to my loves there and know that Jesus is crazy about all of them!
 I am coming little ones....

Transparency

This post is my attempt to be completely transparent for the sake of encouraging others in going after what God has called them to despite the struggle and to ask for much needed prayer support as I continue on this journey.

As you have heard me say many times before I am not someone who likes change or always handles it well. I am also a real home body so going across the world for months at a time is not something natural to me. I do this for the love of the people of Rwanda and my love for Jesus, not because I am good at it! So I knew in the months leading up to this trip that there would come a time when my body would start to react to this big change that was coming with some real anxiety. I have always had serious battles with nervousness and panic in these situations. For me, I knew it was pretty inevitable. The question was simply when this would start. Last Sunday morning I woke up with knots in my stomach and knew immediately that this was the beginning of my anxious days. Initially I was trying to address the panic I was feeling and later it just turned to anger that I already have to deal with this stress when my date to leave was still over three weeks away. Now in my natural state, my reaction is to fall apart, to think that I can't do this, and that I might as well turn back. From experience, I have learned that Christ has big things for me when the opposition is greatest. I can choose to believe the lies and give up the opportunities ahead out of fear OR I can choose to walk through the struggle clinging to Jesus and begging for grace. I knew what my decision had to be although in the throws of that intense anxiety it seems impossible to put one foot in front of the other. In all reality, it is impossible for me to do this and that is when I know that Christ alone is the hope to keep moving. He promises us that His grace is sufficient for THIS day! I cannot project His grace onto unknown days ahead and expect to be at peace. I have to take Him at His word and allow Jesus to walk me through this day.
The truth about this last week is that the anxiety didn't just go away. I still found that each morning as soon as I opened my eyes and knew I was in the world, the knots in my stomach were there. This is a struggle I have and must deal with, but His grace was enough! He did ease my mind and heart, provide relief, remind me that beautiful things are ahead and that they are mine if I just trust Him.

So for anyone who has felt the sting of anxiety or panic over what is to come, you are not alone. Don't let that keep you from moving forward in His grace and seeing the beauty of His will unfolding in your life. Being outside of your comfort zone yet inside His will is the best place to be!!

As my departure date draws closer the excitement builds and the anxiety threatens to undo me. PLEASE pray that I will see God's sufficient grace and experience it as my moment to moment reality. Pray that God will hold me so close that I can't deny His presence and that He would give me that peace that passes all understanding. I pray that this will be true for you in your moments of most desperate need. Cling to Jesus!!

It's all OFFICIAL!!

Since the last time I posted, some major steps have been taken to clear my way to Rwanda. I can now officially share all the information...

- The district granted me a sabbatical from work until next school year. My last day with my little kiddos will be April 19th.

- My plane ticket has been purchased. I will be flying out of Charlotte on May 2nd with the return date planned for July 8th.

- I have updated all my shots/medical info.

- My final fundraising night has been planned. I have received such tremendous support!! Thanks to everyone. God has truly provided through His people.

- In Rwanda I will spend my days teaching and working with teachers, visiting the sick, needy, orphaned/widowed, and being Benjamin's organizational system for the ministry :)

As the day grows closer I have so many emotions, the greatest being a combination of excitement and nervousness. I am thrilled that God has taken me through this whole process and continues to teach me new things about Himself all the time.
Please pray for me in these last few weeks of preparation- that my heart would be completely surrendered to the Lord and prepared for what He has for me, that I will be able to get everything done without pushing the limits of my energy and sanity (haha), and that Satan would have no room in my mind to breed anxiety, fear, or dread of being so far away from "home." I must remember my home is really wherever Jesus meets me!
Thank you for the overwhelming love and support.

Waiting

If you are anything like me, waiting is hard (that is the understatement of the year)! Life has become a series of waiting for one thing or another, especially with regard to Rwanda and my journey to get back there. Sometimes I get completely overwhelmed as I wait for decisions to be made or things to be done that I have no control over. It seems as soon as I get answers in one area, there is another situation that requires more waiting. I believe that I have had a lot to learn in how to wait, and all of this is God's way of teaching me. It is not an easy lesson! I have found though, that as hard as it can be, God is faithful in the wait. He does give peace and rest when there is nothing more that I can do. He sets my mind at ease when the anticipation becomes too much, and He surprises me with little answers along the way.

Today I am writing from a place of excitement because I know that the day is drawing closer when I will be in Rwanda doing what Christ has called me to. Tonight a big decision will be made one way or another that will allow me to move forward with major steps and see all this become a reality. I can't wait to be able to share actual dates and a countdown to Rwanda with all of you on the blog!! Please be in prayer for me tonight as I await the outcome of a decision that is not mine but will make a difference in how I move forward. Please pray that God would use this decision to give clear direction and allow me to move into step with Him. I am so grateful for all that has happened along the way and how it has changed me. The next few weeks will be full of exciting details and plans!
Stay tuned.....

Let's Talk About.....Missions!

God has given me a heart passionate for foreign missions. Because of that I LOVE to hear about missions in foreign countries, speak about my own mission to Rwanda, and be in the presence of people who are also passionate about sharing Christ around the world. If you enjoy this as well, I have a great opportunity for you.
My church is having a missions conference this coming weekend. We will have special speakers each night with a different missions focus. I have also been asked to speak on Sunday night about my second home and the time I will be spending there in a matter of months. Below is the schedule for each session. I would love to see you there!!

All sessions will be in the Family Life Center located behind the sanctuary of Neely's Creek Church (974 Neely's Creek Road).

Friday night at 6:45- short term missionary in refugee camps, missionaries serving with SIM (serving in mission).

Saturday at 8:30 am- local opportunities to become involved in missions.

Saturday at 6:45 pm- missionary family to serve in Spain

Sunday at 9:45 am- focus on a missionary's journey to the field ( I will share a little in this time).

Sunday at 11 am- Director of World Witness (ARP missions agency). He will also speak during each evening session.

Sunday at 6:45- ME! Focus on what God has done along the way to Rwanda.

Reliance

"Relying on God has to start all over everyday, as if nothing has yet been done." - C.S. Lewis

This is a quote that I saw somewhere and wrote down about a year ago, knowing it was something I needed to be reminded of on a regular basis. That has never been more true than in these last few months. This journey of following God as He leads me to Rwanda has brought with it every emotion imaginable...ones I didn't even think could have anything to do with this process. There have been times of extreme closeness to the Lord and times when I felt like He was far from here. There have been questions that seemed to have no answers and answers provided before I even knew to ask the question. Recently some things I had counted on changed once again which means more adjusting, praying, and waiting. For a planner like me, this has been one wild ride of trust and faith. I have failed to trust and wait more times than I even want to admit. Every time I come back to the Lord, He reminds me that this is a process that I have to take one step at a time. Each time a new obstacle presents itself or even when plans are coming together smoothly and it all seems to be falling into place, I must remind my soul that every morning (or a million times throughout the day), I have to start over with relying on His hand to guide me through each step.
I don't know where you are or what you might be needing God's guidance for, but know that He can be counted on. We can begin each day relying on Him for what only He can provide.

Jesus-
Please remind me every day that I need You more than I realize. When You show me my need, would You also help me to lay down my agenda and expectations to rely fully on You. Teach my soul to surrender anew every morning!

Obvious... my new favorite word

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Growing up in the church, this is a verse I heard a lot and memorized at a young age. It has revealed different truths to me throughout the years, but one in particular struck me several weeks ago. I was reading a book where the author was describing our role and God's role in this verse. We are to trust God with everything and acknowledge that we want His will in each area of our lives. That is usually as far as I went in reflecting on these words because that is where my responsibility in it lies. When looking further, the author of this book pointed out that as we do that, God's part is to make our paths straight. She went on to use the word "obvious." My first reaction to that word was that it was not used in the verse, and I was not sure that it was something I could expect from the Lord. Can I really ask that He make something obvious to me and expect that He will do it? According to His word, He will make our paths straight or, in other translations, direct our paths. If He is directing me, then why would He not want to make things clear so that I can follow wholeheartedly? So that night I decided that I was laying Rwanda at His feet. I released my plans, desires, and questions to Him. I told my sweet Lord that I needed to know what He wanted for me, but that I needed it to be so obvious that I could not deny it was His answer. I asked that I would be so sure of His will,  that to turn my back on what He revealed would be to choose disobedience. I knew that I was being bold, and honestly I wasn't sure what would come from it. I was determined to stand on His promise to direct my path. Let me tell you that within about two hours my answer came, in the form of a burden He placed on someone else's heart. He answered months of prayers, longing, and questioning, in one conversation with a dear friend. He revealed in beautiful detail how He had been working even when we weren't aware of how all the pieces fit together. I asked for obvious and boy did I get it!! Now, I don't believe that answers from Him will always come so quickly or dramatically as they did that day, but I know He hears my prayers. I know that He wants me to ask Him to reveal Himself. I know that He is calling me to Rwanda in His specific time, and I am taking each step He shows to get there. There has been a lot of waiting and wondering, a lot of joy and tears, but with every event that has occurred He has been moving me to this place and this time. He gave me my obvious answer when I surrendered my way and asked for His will on this path. I have no doubt that He will do the same for you!!