Words of Calling

As I sat in a training session with Josephine yesterday, I prayed that God would open my heart to whatever He could teach me. This was a course that others were taking, and I would only be attending one out of the five sessions (not to mention the fact that this was the 3rd one in the sequence). My expectation going in was not very high for those reasons, but I wanted God to speak to me in some way. In His own sweet plan, He answered the prayer almost immediately. We read some verses of Scripture that "just happened" to be on the board from someone else's meeting before we got started. One of those passages was made up of verses I had read and God had used to inspire my heart about a year ago. I had not spent much time with them since then, but a fresh awakening for my soul came as I read and heard God clearly confirming these words for me. He was speaking them into my heart and over my life, especially for this season. I feel renewed in His vision for me here, and I am committing to reading and praying through these verses every day that He may use them greatly in me as I seek to do His will here.

Isaiah 61:1-4
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations."


Holy Father,
May these words be true of my life and ministry. Send me out to the broken hearted, the poor, the sick, the desolate, the prisoners, and those living in darkness, for the sake of your Name! May the generation of children being brought up in Rwanda be those who will restore the places here that have been long devastated. May they be the change Christ is bringing to restore and rebuild for future generations. My heart is overwhelmed that You would allow me to be a part of this. Jesus- receive all the glory and delight as hearts turn to You!

Adjusting

My journey to two months in Rwanda began long before I left, but last Thursday marked the official beginning of this trip. I have to say that I was completely blown away by the grace of the Lord as my departure date grew closer. Normally my nerves and anxiety would be almost more than I could bear in the week leading up to something so big, but it wasn't until the day before my flight that the nerves kicked in. That in and of itself is reason for continued praise. When the anxiousness came on, it was pretty strong and left me unable to eat and wishing that I could just be "normal" in dealing with this transition. It always seems that I carry things like this on such a deep level emotionally that it leaves me exhausted before the journey begins. I fought tears and this aching heaviness as I said my goodbyes at the airport, and as Ben and I traveled I battled my emotions for our 38 hour journey. I knew that this was God's call for me, and that if He was leading this was His best for my life. I was clinging desperately to His promise that His grace is sufficient for anything that I face. While the first two days were full of adjustments to a new time zone, new food, new place to call home, I wondered if my heart would really adjust to being here and how I could move past the ache that pulled at me. In His beautifully simple way, Jesus began slowly unfolding His goodness as little things made me feel at home. Ben and Josephine have gone out of their way to be family- encouraging and praying for me. JP has gone above and beyond what anyone would ask to make sure that I am ok. There is even a loud dog that barks right outside my room at night to remind me of my neighbor's incredibly annoying dog back home! It is the little things- haha. After one week of being away, I can say confidently that I have adjusted to the newness of this home, and I am so thrilled to be here living out this call on my life! God's grace is nothing short of miraculous, and I truly am in awe that He cares so deeply for me that He would write such sweet details in my story! I am looking forward to the day that I will see family and friends from home again, but as early as yesterday my heart hurt at the idea of having to leave my friends and family here. I am praying that I will live intentionally in each moment I am given in Rwanda and that Christ would use me for the purpose He had in mind when all of this began!

Thank you for the overwhelming support and the reality of your consistent prayers. They are needed and felt daily! I pray that you will find joy in His presence as you walk the road He is leading you on!

Little Ones

Since childhood I have loved babies and little children and just about everything that goes along with them. Based on that, I guess it is not surprising that I longed to be a teacher. It is interesting to actually be doing something that you wanted to do for so long. I have seen the wonderful and not so glamorous parts of teaching, but through it all the kids are what keep me coming back. With Rwanda, it was the same attraction for me. I found such joy in talking and playing with these children or just finding a little hand in mine as we walk along the road. This created a new passion for me as I wanted to be with these children- teaching, learning, and loving.

In God's timing He has given me the opportunity to both teach my kids here and now go to love on my kids there. As I was squeezing my little loves tight and saying goodbye only a week ago, the magnitude of what God entrusts me with daily really humbled me. I have an opportunity to speak into the lives of many children, to love them, show compassion and kindness, and be the representation of Christ when they may have no other. It is a lot of responsibility and an inexpressible joy. So as I sadly said goodbye to my class at school, I did it knowing that God has given me a whole other set of children across the world that it is time to share life with. I don't know why He chose me to do this, but I am so glad that He did. I will move from my loves here to my loves there and know that Jesus is crazy about all of them!
 I am coming little ones....

Transparency

This post is my attempt to be completely transparent for the sake of encouraging others in going after what God has called them to despite the struggle and to ask for much needed prayer support as I continue on this journey.

As you have heard me say many times before I am not someone who likes change or always handles it well. I am also a real home body so going across the world for months at a time is not something natural to me. I do this for the love of the people of Rwanda and my love for Jesus, not because I am good at it! So I knew in the months leading up to this trip that there would come a time when my body would start to react to this big change that was coming with some real anxiety. I have always had serious battles with nervousness and panic in these situations. For me, I knew it was pretty inevitable. The question was simply when this would start. Last Sunday morning I woke up with knots in my stomach and knew immediately that this was the beginning of my anxious days. Initially I was trying to address the panic I was feeling and later it just turned to anger that I already have to deal with this stress when my date to leave was still over three weeks away. Now in my natural state, my reaction is to fall apart, to think that I can't do this, and that I might as well turn back. From experience, I have learned that Christ has big things for me when the opposition is greatest. I can choose to believe the lies and give up the opportunities ahead out of fear OR I can choose to walk through the struggle clinging to Jesus and begging for grace. I knew what my decision had to be although in the throws of that intense anxiety it seems impossible to put one foot in front of the other. In all reality, it is impossible for me to do this and that is when I know that Christ alone is the hope to keep moving. He promises us that His grace is sufficient for THIS day! I cannot project His grace onto unknown days ahead and expect to be at peace. I have to take Him at His word and allow Jesus to walk me through this day.
The truth about this last week is that the anxiety didn't just go away. I still found that each morning as soon as I opened my eyes and knew I was in the world, the knots in my stomach were there. This is a struggle I have and must deal with, but His grace was enough! He did ease my mind and heart, provide relief, remind me that beautiful things are ahead and that they are mine if I just trust Him.

So for anyone who has felt the sting of anxiety or panic over what is to come, you are not alone. Don't let that keep you from moving forward in His grace and seeing the beauty of His will unfolding in your life. Being outside of your comfort zone yet inside His will is the best place to be!!

As my departure date draws closer the excitement builds and the anxiety threatens to undo me. PLEASE pray that I will see God's sufficient grace and experience it as my moment to moment reality. Pray that God will hold me so close that I can't deny His presence and that He would give me that peace that passes all understanding. I pray that this will be true for you in your moments of most desperate need. Cling to Jesus!!

It's all OFFICIAL!!

Since the last time I posted, some major steps have been taken to clear my way to Rwanda. I can now officially share all the information...

- The district granted me a sabbatical from work until next school year. My last day with my little kiddos will be April 19th.

- My plane ticket has been purchased. I will be flying out of Charlotte on May 2nd with the return date planned for July 8th.

- I have updated all my shots/medical info.

- My final fundraising night has been planned. I have received such tremendous support!! Thanks to everyone. God has truly provided through His people.

- In Rwanda I will spend my days teaching and working with teachers, visiting the sick, needy, orphaned/widowed, and being Benjamin's organizational system for the ministry :)

As the day grows closer I have so many emotions, the greatest being a combination of excitement and nervousness. I am thrilled that God has taken me through this whole process and continues to teach me new things about Himself all the time.
Please pray for me in these last few weeks of preparation- that my heart would be completely surrendered to the Lord and prepared for what He has for me, that I will be able to get everything done without pushing the limits of my energy and sanity (haha), and that Satan would have no room in my mind to breed anxiety, fear, or dread of being so far away from "home." I must remember my home is really wherever Jesus meets me!
Thank you for the overwhelming love and support.

Waiting

If you are anything like me, waiting is hard (that is the understatement of the year)! Life has become a series of waiting for one thing or another, especially with regard to Rwanda and my journey to get back there. Sometimes I get completely overwhelmed as I wait for decisions to be made or things to be done that I have no control over. It seems as soon as I get answers in one area, there is another situation that requires more waiting. I believe that I have had a lot to learn in how to wait, and all of this is God's way of teaching me. It is not an easy lesson! I have found though, that as hard as it can be, God is faithful in the wait. He does give peace and rest when there is nothing more that I can do. He sets my mind at ease when the anticipation becomes too much, and He surprises me with little answers along the way.

Today I am writing from a place of excitement because I know that the day is drawing closer when I will be in Rwanda doing what Christ has called me to. Tonight a big decision will be made one way or another that will allow me to move forward with major steps and see all this become a reality. I can't wait to be able to share actual dates and a countdown to Rwanda with all of you on the blog!! Please be in prayer for me tonight as I await the outcome of a decision that is not mine but will make a difference in how I move forward. Please pray that God would use this decision to give clear direction and allow me to move into step with Him. I am so grateful for all that has happened along the way and how it has changed me. The next few weeks will be full of exciting details and plans!
Stay tuned.....

Let's Talk About.....Missions!

God has given me a heart passionate for foreign missions. Because of that I LOVE to hear about missions in foreign countries, speak about my own mission to Rwanda, and be in the presence of people who are also passionate about sharing Christ around the world. If you enjoy this as well, I have a great opportunity for you.
My church is having a missions conference this coming weekend. We will have special speakers each night with a different missions focus. I have also been asked to speak on Sunday night about my second home and the time I will be spending there in a matter of months. Below is the schedule for each session. I would love to see you there!!

All sessions will be in the Family Life Center located behind the sanctuary of Neely's Creek Church (974 Neely's Creek Road).

Friday night at 6:45- short term missionary in refugee camps, missionaries serving with SIM (serving in mission).

Saturday at 8:30 am- local opportunities to become involved in missions.

Saturday at 6:45 pm- missionary family to serve in Spain

Sunday at 9:45 am- focus on a missionary's journey to the field ( I will share a little in this time).

Sunday at 11 am- Director of World Witness (ARP missions agency). He will also speak during each evening session.

Sunday at 6:45- ME! Focus on what God has done along the way to Rwanda.